The List is Narrowing

So I went on another date tonight from someone I met online. Sigh. The perils of dating. While getting all gussied up and giddy with anticipation is fun, I am getting tired of first and second dates. Whereas tonight's gentleman and one of last week's gentlemen were certainly nice enough, I have come to the realization that I am narrowing down what I really might want from a significant other in life. Many thanks to the numerous dates I have gone on for helping me narrow down my list.

THE LIST

• Must exude energy
• There absolutely must be a spark of some sort. Wishy washiness is no option...
• Must exude confidence
• Must not be intimidated that I'm not intimidated by a first date
• Must be decisive
• If said man is interested, and I may be interested, he must call within a week. Any more time than that is enough time for me to go, "Hmmm..."
• Must not invite me home on the first date... didn't your mothers teach you anything?!

That, ladies and gents, concludes my list. Oh and I suppose he needs to do his own laundry, as we all know that I have enough without someone else's laundry to Downy Wrinkle Release. Yup. I said it.

On a side not, I am watching JAWS III and am highly disappointed with the anatomical inaccuracies Everyone knows sharks have more than one row of teeth. Get it right 1983.

Pantsless Saturdays

Seeing as I promised I would make a better effort to update this, I thought updating right now was a great way to delay my run. It is 11 am on Saturday, and I still haven't put pants on yet. Yup. A run isn't happening for a while. On the flip side, underwear and a tee is a perfect live alone Saturday morning get up. Until you remember the blinds are open in your den, and because your recliner is electric and slow to rise, it is an awkward 30 seconds between the time you discover your neighbors can see you and you actually sit up.

This Week's Highlights:

Awaking at 4 am for the Royal Wedding. It just reenforced my desire to become a princess. Except I'd be princess to Prince Harry... Everyone knows his future wife will be the ruckus causer and I am not the pursed lips type...

Giant blister that has prevented me from running all week. This may not sound that important for you all, but seriously, I have way too much energy that I need to get out of my system, and running is my way of doing it. Sitting on an upright bike, albeit I bike into a hot sweaty mess, just doesn't give me the same satisfaction as running faster than the person next to me on the treadmill, or pushing myself to do a second lap around a lake. This abundance of energy has resulted in my tripping over my already clumsy self, running into lots of things, and an abundance of bruises. I'm telling you, I'm going to make them into a fashion statement. Purple and Royal Blue are Jewel Tones which are supposedly popular.

11:10 AM- I still have not put on pants.

I only will work at the gym 1-2 late nights a week now, which I am pumped about! Weeehoooooo for a little more free time.

This week was chaotic, so no more entertaining dates to speak of. I do have one tonight at a new place called Pinstripes, a local bowling/boccee ball joint. We shall see! Wish me luck folks.

Now I am off to put on some running shorts and socks and hope that my blister is FINALLY better.

For Now We Are Young...

Today reminded me of a song. Neutral Milk Hotel's "In the Aeroplane Over The Sea." In real life, supposedly, it is about Anne Frank... which is depressing. But today, the sun streaming through the steeple of my church reminded me of an excerpt of the song.

But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing 
We can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me




Beauty is everywhere. It was in the eyes of the little ones smelling the flowers this morning, the wrinkles on the faces of the elderly surrounded by their beloved families, it is in the Easter plant that is now sitting on top of my sink, juuuust where my grandma would have put it. And it was in the new life that I was surrounded by all day. Crying babies, green grass, and trumpet lilies (one of my favorite reminders of new life) and in a large part of the congregation pretending to be Easter Bunnies because Everybunny needs to spread the word that Christ is Risen.

I go to bed tonight with a happy heart, slightly saddened by the loss of the physical presence of my grandpa, but lightened with the reassurance that he is rejoicing in heaven.

The Greatness that is In The Aeroplane Over the Sea

On Potential Awkward Dates

I recently had a great date that could have gone seriously wrong, but because I frequently find myself in awkward and embarrassing situations, I was able to coyly finagle myself out of the foreseen awkwardness. Or I just wasn't embarrassed. Either way it was a night full of hilarity with a new person. The evening progressed like this:

"Amy?"
"Yup, that's me. Nice to meet you!"

{Insert 30 seconds of walking behind hostess here}

{Insert Amy sliding on the slippery, wood floor and face-planting it in front of the table}

{Laughs ensue}

Conversation eventually resumed after 5 minutes of laughing, and the waitress asking if I wanted a drink because it would make me feel better.

Then my super cute date knocked his beer ALL OVER the table, making me feel significantly less clumsy.

This was shortly followed by me knocking my entire silverware set on the floor. This may seem minor, however, when a knife, fork, and spoon all clank on a (slippery) wood floor, it attracts a few stares. Then my date suggested that we walk around and find an arcade, which would have been super fun, except that I stupidly wore uncomfortable shoes, so I painfully but gracefully walked around. We called it a night, and he walked me to the car, and ended the evening with the promise of a second date (we really did have a good time).

Then I noticed my phone was missing. Found flip flops in car, and went on a wild goose chase for phone. When phone was retrieved, I did have a nice text from said date.

This concludes what could have been an extremely awkward date, but was really just hilarious. And SO MUCH BETTER than This Date .

On Awkward Dating

New Year's Eve, I,  in my drunken 1AM stupor, in true classy form, joined Match.com . What an adventure it has been so far. In all of my dates' defenses, the majority of them have been true to their profiles, I have been able to recognize them all, and I have yet to be enticed to enter into the back of a white, windowless van with puppies in the back. But MAN I have had some humdingers of crazy. Actually, just one whose level of crazy rivaled the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons. Ok, not that bad, but it was comical.

Upon arriving at an upscale restaurant in an upscale area, I encounter said date. He looks like he stepped off a boat, and not in the hot Tommy Hilfiger, white button down "I'm on a yacht I'm rugged and good looking, yet refined enough to have a yacht" kind of way. He looked more like a comedy with Tom Green in it who was a boat driver and was singing "You're a Fine Girl Brandy". I approached the date with an open, "Hey, this may just work out as friends" attitude. It soon became apparent to me that friends was not an option. I'll spare you the details, but rather leave you with a list.

TOP 5 COMMENTS THAT MADE ME WANT TO ASK FOR THE BILL

1). "I know we're at an Italian place, but I'm ordering French Fries with my linguine."

2). "I was like, super disappointed when both the boat AND the truck I got for my birthday from my dad were used. It's ok though, because the Kindle I got was new, so I guess it'll be alright."

3). Upon me asking what prompted him to live in Australia, "Well, my girlfriend moved there, so I followed. It was really boring though. I lived right by the beach, but, I mean, there are only so many times you can go to the beach without getting bored." Keep in mind, it was snowing outside when this young gent spoke those words. SNOWING. IN MINNESOTA. Also keep in mind that I could be entertained with a book at the beach IN AUSTRALIA every day of my life. I resumed disinterest.

4). "My mom always did my laundry. Then my girlfriend washed and folded all my laundry. I'm seriously disappointed with the send out laundry services in the Twin Cities." "Do you know how to do your laundry, or do you just not like to do it?" "I've never learned. I had someone try to teach me once, but it was just too many steps." Sidenote: as surprised as you all may be, I am totally NOT a domestic goddess. In fact, I'm not even a domestic minion. I'm domestic in the sense that I do laundry, and it promptly stays in the clean hamper until I Downy Wrinkle Release, wear it all, need to do laundry, and repeat the process.

5). Upon exiting the restaurant (after declining desert, THAT'S how much I wanted to get out of there), "Well, I'd invite you back to my place, but I sleep on the floor of my best friend's apartment". I don't care about the apartment sitch, it was more of the assumption that I'd go back to his place after... sooo awkward.

Gentlemen, heed my advice: take off the Sperry Topsiders for anything else. Ladies: This is why we meet men in a public place.  I also advise carrying a pre-made list of escape strategies. I, for one, would have been able to have my escape-woman call, but it was all too amusing to sit and hear what other shenanigans this guy was speaking of. And with that, my friends, I leave you.

I'm BA-A-C-K-K-K

Hello All,

Well, ahem, after 4 months of insanity a blogging vacation, I am back. Updates on life:


1). After a battle with Bone Cancer, my Grandpa passed away. I am still grieving deeply, but knowing he has been released from his pain makes it easier to cope with. More updates later as my grieving progresses.

2). I have decided to take on studying to become a personal trainer! YEEEHOOOOOOO! It is a lot of work, but will be worth it in the end. Ultimately, I want to work with teens promoting positive body image and self esteem. It will take a while to accomplish, but I am excited for what the future brings.

3). I joined Match.com... some hilarity has already occurred. More to come I am sure :) I shall also blog about these stories.

So sorry about the brief update, but I will make better attempts to update, I promise.

Amy